The Meaning of Compassion... or Why I Support ObamaCare

The day after the election last year, I came into work elated. Obama had been re-elected! Same sex marriage was legalized in Maine! I felt proud of the state of Maine, and proud of the citizens of the U.S. for voting for compassion rather than individual gain. That morning, a coworker told me in a whisper, "I cried this morning when I heard the results." I thought she was talking about her husband who has been having tests on his brain because of recurrent headaches, so I said "What happened??" She said "I am so upset that Obama was re-elected..." and proceeded to describe Obama as a liar, and that Mitt Romney is "a truly wonderful person." I was completely thrown off. This is a person I have tremendous respect for both personally and professionally. She is an extremely savvy businesswoman and she is pretty much the kindest person I know. To hear her saying these things about Obama, was simply heartbreaking.

She believes that her opinion is balanced and based in truth because she watches all news media regardless of political orientation. I responded "I don't watch any of the news channels. I think they are all spin, even The Daily Show," (which I love). She went on to say that she wishes people were "more informed," i.e. that they watched supposedly all of the news channels and... I don't know, believed everything they heard? I guess I'm still not clear on that. My response... well first I need to give some backstory since I haven't written here in a long time.

My husband and I have been seeing a wonderful therapist since late July, and it has made a hugely positive impact on both our marriage and my sense of self. I have been working on putting the past behind me (where it belongs), debating with my fear reactions, and letting the real me out to play. The conversation I had with my coworker is a good example of me talking back to "the old contract." The old contract was set in place for a reason, and helped me survive difficult times, but it is no longer appropriate. It's time for a new contract. It has been AMAZING to find within myself the strength to change, and forgiveness for myself for my mistakes both past, present, and future.

Anyhoo. In response to her saying she was so upset about Obama, I said "I think it's great! I'm thrilled!" in a loud voice, no fear of who in the office might hear me and think otherwise, etc. And in response to her comment about being informed, I said "I am very informed. I just don't watch all the spin out there. I don't believe any of it. I trust my gut." To some this may not sound like a big deal, but for me it was HUGE. I rarely, if ever, speak my mind to people I look up to, particularly if I know in advance they don't agree with me. I found it was instinctual for me to say how I felt. I had always assumed it was my instinct that was saying "don't say that!" and then I would go ahead and say it and feel guilty. But I realized that there is a difference between dissonance (emotional discomfort) and instincts saying don't do that. It can definitely be uncomfortable to disagree with someone you care for and respect, but that doesn't mean you should stifle yourself. I can't report that I felt completely awesome after the conversation, but I am immensely proud of myself for the way I handled it, even though I was caught off guard.

Back to the health care reforms. Yes, the way we do business in this country will be impacted. Yes, some businesses will suffer. BUT the idea is that this will be for the greater good, over the long term.Change is not comfortable, no matter how much we want to believe it is.

As my boss has been saying frequently lately, we can't keep doing the same things and expecting different results. Same is true for this country. We can't keep paying lip service to the concept of community, all the while operating selfishly, looking only at our own needs and goals. To survive as a species, we must think of others ahead of, or at least equal to, ourselves. Many many of us are barely getting by paycheck to paycheck. When we grab what we have and hold it so tight, and guard it viciously, we close ourselves off to community and compassion. We lose sight of what matters.

To me ObamaCare is a step in the right direction towards a compassionate community in this country. No one truly knows how this bill will impact our economy. If we look at it negatively and think it means "the end of our country" then that is what will happen for us. If we look at it as a positive, though difficult, change, we see that it can be what we make of it. Like anything worth it in this life, it isn't easy. It isn't easy for businesses to plan for how they will pay for health insurance for their employees. Some are taking the easy way out by laying people off, cutting hours, and in general, reacting out of fear. Others (which we don't hear about of course) are being proactive and positive, looking at this legislation as a means to a healthier and more productive workforce. Whether we like it or not, whether we agree with it or not, it's happening. Let's spin it, and raise it up. Let's create fairness and ethical responsibility in our businesses so that all people regardless of race, creed, sexual orientation, or income, have equal access to the basic human right of health care. Let's make it our new contract.

Separation Anxiety

So lots of changes... again. I wish things were more stable, but we're doing the best we can. Hubbie starts new job managing a kitchen at an upscale B&B tomorrow night. Will be working six afternoon/night shifts a week, Sundays off. We were going to skip daycare but since we got basically kicked out of our old daycare (my little monkey cries too much and needs too much one-on-one attention apparently), we've found a new place. Monkey's new caregiver is a lovely young woman who runs a daycare out of her home, along with her mother. She has 2 young children of her own. We're hoping that Monkey will bond with her and be happy to be there, rather than screaming for hours after we drop him off. Hoping he doesn't scream for hours. Please, god tell me he won't scream for hours.

I know it's normal for babies his age to have lots of separation anxiety, but gosh it's hard. I thought I would be all, it's OK honey and run out the door, just like they tell you to. BUT I find myself trying to console, or I'll just nurse him for a few minutes to calm him down, then it makes it worse. UGH. It's hard being needed/wanted so badly.

We're also hoping that being full-time in daycare will help him have some semblance of a schedule. And maybe she can get him to eat some solids now and then. He basically refuses them so we've had to get him an iron supplement. We've been doing this baby-led weaning method of introducing solids. Only thing that remotely works. Monkey must be able to control the food, so we just put it down in front of him and let him do what he wants. Doesn't work with purees though. He hates 'em anyway. But fool that I am I keep buying them, because maybe he'll like this one.

Daily Miracles

You know those cliches about how things always work out the way they're supposed to, and everything happens for a reason? Well, they're true. The universe has yet again shown me some tough love, then some spectacular rewards. A close friend had her baby, a healthy baby girl, on Monday night. Hubbie has been *despising* his job for many, many reasons (underpaid, overworked, scapegoated, bad-mouthed, mistreated, taken advantage of). One of his friends came by awhile back and hubbie'd had a particularly bad day at work so he was venting. Friend says, hey, I know you're a great cook, why don't you come do some shifts at the awesome restaurant I work at? So hubbie does just that, and that extra bit of money coming in hasn't hurt either. Then last night, hubbie says to me, we need to talk. I'm like, uh-oh. BUT it's great news- the friend gave his notice at the restaurant (he is the head chef) and the owners love my hubbie so they've offered him the position. Drawback is that it's only seasonal, will end sometime in October. Benefit = TWICE AS MUCH MONEY AS CURRENT JOB for same amount of hours. OMG. After struggling for a year and half (we were both unemployed for a stretch at the end of 2009, which set us WAY back on bills, etc.) we can FINALLY (hopefully) catch up on bills and even (*gasp*) put some money aside! Hubbie can look for work in September and October, find something halfway decent, get unemployment if job ends before he finds something. AND big bonus is our kid won't need to go to daycare anymore. Hubbie will be with him all day until around 2:30 when my MIL will watch him until I get out of work. Hubbie will work 2:30-10ish 6 nights a week and have one full day off, most likely Sundays, which will rock.

Life is CRAZY. I get so down sometimes, worrying, feeling trapped, like things will never get better. And then one day I wake up and they get better. I know that this isn't some miracle cure or fix, but it's definitely a boon, both for us financially and for my hubbie's self esteem. The owners of this restaurant think he's pretty much the greatest thing since sliced bread, and it's true, and he really needs to hear it.

We have 2 weddings to go to in August which I'm very excited about. My favorite aunt (who is also my godmother) will finally be meeting my son in a week or so. Things are going great. Now to just get rid of that other feeling that's always there, the "it won't last, don't get too happy!" GAD I hate that little voice in my ear.