The Meaning of Compassion... or Why I Support ObamaCare

The day after the election last year, I came into work elated. Obama had been re-elected! Same sex marriage was legalized in Maine! I felt proud of the state of Maine, and proud of the citizens of the U.S. for voting for compassion rather than individual gain. That morning, a coworker told me in a whisper, "I cried this morning when I heard the results." I thought she was talking about her husband who has been having tests on his brain because of recurrent headaches, so I said "What happened??" She said "I am so upset that Obama was re-elected..." and proceeded to describe Obama as a liar, and that Mitt Romney is "a truly wonderful person." I was completely thrown off. This is a person I have tremendous respect for both personally and professionally. She is an extremely savvy businesswoman and she is pretty much the kindest person I know. To hear her saying these things about Obama, was simply heartbreaking.

She believes that her opinion is balanced and based in truth because she watches all news media regardless of political orientation. I responded "I don't watch any of the news channels. I think they are all spin, even The Daily Show," (which I love). She went on to say that she wishes people were "more informed," i.e. that they watched supposedly all of the news channels and... I don't know, believed everything they heard? I guess I'm still not clear on that. My response... well first I need to give some backstory since I haven't written here in a long time.

My husband and I have been seeing a wonderful therapist since late July, and it has made a hugely positive impact on both our marriage and my sense of self. I have been working on putting the past behind me (where it belongs), debating with my fear reactions, and letting the real me out to play. The conversation I had with my coworker is a good example of me talking back to "the old contract." The old contract was set in place for a reason, and helped me survive difficult times, but it is no longer appropriate. It's time for a new contract. It has been AMAZING to find within myself the strength to change, and forgiveness for myself for my mistakes both past, present, and future.

Anyhoo. In response to her saying she was so upset about Obama, I said "I think it's great! I'm thrilled!" in a loud voice, no fear of who in the office might hear me and think otherwise, etc. And in response to her comment about being informed, I said "I am very informed. I just don't watch all the spin out there. I don't believe any of it. I trust my gut." To some this may not sound like a big deal, but for me it was HUGE. I rarely, if ever, speak my mind to people I look up to, particularly if I know in advance they don't agree with me. I found it was instinctual for me to say how I felt. I had always assumed it was my instinct that was saying "don't say that!" and then I would go ahead and say it and feel guilty. But I realized that there is a difference between dissonance (emotional discomfort) and instincts saying don't do that. It can definitely be uncomfortable to disagree with someone you care for and respect, but that doesn't mean you should stifle yourself. I can't report that I felt completely awesome after the conversation, but I am immensely proud of myself for the way I handled it, even though I was caught off guard.

Back to the health care reforms. Yes, the way we do business in this country will be impacted. Yes, some businesses will suffer. BUT the idea is that this will be for the greater good, over the long term.Change is not comfortable, no matter how much we want to believe it is.

As my boss has been saying frequently lately, we can't keep doing the same things and expecting different results. Same is true for this country. We can't keep paying lip service to the concept of community, all the while operating selfishly, looking only at our own needs and goals. To survive as a species, we must think of others ahead of, or at least equal to, ourselves. Many many of us are barely getting by paycheck to paycheck. When we grab what we have and hold it so tight, and guard it viciously, we close ourselves off to community and compassion. We lose sight of what matters.

To me ObamaCare is a step in the right direction towards a compassionate community in this country. No one truly knows how this bill will impact our economy. If we look at it negatively and think it means "the end of our country" then that is what will happen for us. If we look at it as a positive, though difficult, change, we see that it can be what we make of it. Like anything worth it in this life, it isn't easy. It isn't easy for businesses to plan for how they will pay for health insurance for their employees. Some are taking the easy way out by laying people off, cutting hours, and in general, reacting out of fear. Others (which we don't hear about of course) are being proactive and positive, looking at this legislation as a means to a healthier and more productive workforce. Whether we like it or not, whether we agree with it or not, it's happening. Let's spin it, and raise it up. Let's create fairness and ethical responsibility in our businesses so that all people regardless of race, creed, sexual orientation, or income, have equal access to the basic human right of health care. Let's make it our new contract.

Upper-Lower Class

This one has been rolling around in my brain for awhile now. On the internets all I can find is something about white trash... which is not quite what I'm thinking of. I'm thinking of people like me, who on the outside might appear to be middle class but if you looked at my actual income/expenses/debt you would think otherwise. I'm not below poverty level, but hovering above it.

I don't mean to offend anyone but here I go anyways.

I think a lot of the mommy bloggers here on the web are if not wealthy then at least middle class. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just think that the perspective of those with limited or low income is not very well represented in this sphere. When I read discussions of many issues that new moms and moms in general have, they are often skewed in the general direction of money is not an object. I guess the presumption here (which can be true, don't get me wrong) is that people who don't have much money/low income are consumed with thinking about meeting their basic needs and don't have the time/energy/resources to think about broader social issues. Like a Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs type thingie.

"Baby should sleep in his/her own room, in his/her own bed." Do we see the expectation here? What if you live in a 1-bedroom (like we did until our son was about 6 months old)? What if you can't afford to drop $100 or $200 for a nice, safe crib?

Honestly I don't know how we would have gotten by if we'd had to buy formula. Luckily I was able to breastfeed and fulfill my son's needs that way for quite a while (also he was late with starting to really eat solids). Breastfeeding is free (except for the EXTRA gobs of food you need to eat in order to avoid growly belly at 3am after your child has been nursing every hour since you both went to bed at 9pm and dinner was early at 6pm... but I digress)

There are many who probably judge me thinking, well if you couldn't afford to take care of yourself, then you went ahead and had a kid, whose fault is that? I'm not blaming anyone. I don't think it's right however to say that unless you are middle class and financially "comfortable" that you are not allowed to have children!

I don't necessarily feel comfortable representing any type of class or population of people. But I also feel like my situation does not fit in either lower or middle class. My and my husband's annual gross income might put us into the middle class, but when you subtract out all of our expenses and our debt, and if you take out taxes (which you should when you're analyzing cost of living/applications for assistance, etc. You never see your gross income, you see your net, that is your REAL income, the actual money that you get in your bank account that you can spend) then we're looking not so great. Like "how exactly are these people getting by?" Which we are, but barely.

I'm sure I have more to say on this subject but my break is over so back to the grind.

I'm still a feminist

I became a feminist in college, officially. Before that I think I was always a crusader for the underdog, be it the environment, the war, or unfair discrimination (anyone remember when high schools were banning the "Co-Ed Naked" t-shirt series???). I remember discovering this whole wonderful world of feminist thinking, of acceptance and open-ness, of human rights and freedom. It was a fantastic and exciting honeymoon period. Then came the doubts, the judgment, the pressure to conform, even within a radical feminist framework. I've come to believe that regardless of what label you put on an -ism, it is inherently exclusive, simply by nature. Human nature. I felt like in order to consider myself a radical feminist, I had to date only radical feminists, which was difficult since I'm hetero and there was only 1 male member in the Women's Center and I just wasn't attracted to him. I felt like I had to wear certain clothes, have a certain job, buy certain things. In times like this, though I agree that we should protest things like unfair wages, environmental destruction, etc., it requires MONEY to be able to stop buying things at a place like Walmart. I buy things at Walmart. We aren't below the poverty line but we are hovering just above it. We have 2 car payments; I have outrageous student loans from my illustrious college days; rent, electric, phone, internet, car insurance, gas, FOOD, diapers, the list goes on and on.

I'm still a feminist

I am in a somewhat traditional marriage, where I do a lot of the housework and because I'm nursing, I tend to be the go-to-gal for our son. I work outside the home in an office.

I'm still a feminist

I associate with people who have traditional and right-wing opinions. Some of my relatives are pro-life and anti-gay rights. Some of the people I know have no idea how left-leaning I really am.

I'm still a feminist

I have become more middle of the road regarding many things, in that we can never know why someone does what they do because we can never walk in their shoes. It is very destructive to pass judgment regarding situations and events that we have never experienced or been involved in. I am a firm believer in equality for all, as much as possible. I believe in the rights of all to marry. I believe in equal health rights for all, regardless of sexual orientation, wealth, etc.

I'm still a feminist

I don't go to protests. I don't donate to organizations. I don't watch the news. In all honesty, I try to avoid controversial subjects, things that make me sad, etc. because I feel it all so intensely and also feel helpless.

I'm still a feminist

I am tired of people being divisive, judging each other, and giving unsolicited advice. Since I've become a parent, I've heard all range of advice about how to raise our child. We co-sleep and have since my son was 2 weeks old. My husband sleeps on the couch. It sucks but it's the only way we get sleep. I'm still nursing my son and he's just over a year old. Most of the people I know have raised their children in a traditional way, sleep training, weaning at 6 months if they breast-fed at all, and so on. I'm not passing judgment about it, just wish that I knew more people who did/are doing what we're doing.

I'm still a feminist

Just want to make that clear.