Can I just say something?

I love my midwife. We had a rocky start (well, she probably didn't notice anything)- in my 1/2 dose of Welbutrin, dealing with PG and herniated disc, 7-months pregnant mind, she wasn't my ideal midwife. BUT she was fantastic during my labor, and looking back everything was the way it should have been. Yes, I had Pitocin upon her recommendation, yes I ended up in the traditional, not good for anybody position during the pushing stage, yes I had morphine midway through because I hadn't slept in 48 hours, but she didn't doubt me, she was stern yet kind. At one point during my labor she told everyone else in the room to "shut up" (not my hubbie, just the other myriad of nurses, docs, pedis, etc. who were all saying "you can do it, you're almost there" etc while my son was crowning) and told me to focus on her voice and only listen to her. Since I had my son I've seen her several times at the doc's office for appts and a few times as she calls it "out in the community." Her husband performed the ceremony at a good friend's wedding. It was such a nice surprise to see her.

Sometimes I think about baby catching and how she caught my baby. I remember her telling me that I did a fantastic job and I should be really proud of myself. She asked me if I was, and I think I said "sorta..." because I was still hung up on how the birth wasn't completely natural, how I gave in to interventions that may not have been necessary, etc. I feel differently now. I KICKED ASS. I still KICK ASS. I am a great mom.

I saw her last week for my annual PAP, etc. (I forgot how much a PAP hurts! it's not a q-tip guys, it's got metal on the end, OWWIE) and instead of being all business like some, she let me vent and chatted with me for a good half hour about sleep and extended breastfeeding. She has an only child, a son, who just turned 23. She validated our experiences, that my son is normal even though he wakes up constantly freaking out, there's nothing wrong with him. That it's ok and wonderful to do attachment parenting (cosleeping, EBF, child-led, etc.) BUT that if we decided to do CIO, our son would have had a great start towards independence and good self-esteem because of the sacrifices we've made (mostly loss of sleep! LOL) so far. She congratulated me and told me that I am a wonderful mother. I started crying because I had no idea how much I needed that validation, especially coming from the person who delivered my son, and who has been there, done that. She gave me a hug at the end of our visit and also gave me her home phone number so we can talk about parenting. She is intuitive, she knew right away that I needed some local, in-person, support around attachment parenting.

Wow 2 posts in one day. Go me! 

Separation Anxiety

So lots of changes... again. I wish things were more stable, but we're doing the best we can. Hubbie starts new job managing a kitchen at an upscale B&B tomorrow night. Will be working six afternoon/night shifts a week, Sundays off. We were going to skip daycare but since we got basically kicked out of our old daycare (my little monkey cries too much and needs too much one-on-one attention apparently), we've found a new place. Monkey's new caregiver is a lovely young woman who runs a daycare out of her home, along with her mother. She has 2 young children of her own. We're hoping that Monkey will bond with her and be happy to be there, rather than screaming for hours after we drop him off. Hoping he doesn't scream for hours. Please, god tell me he won't scream for hours.

I know it's normal for babies his age to have lots of separation anxiety, but gosh it's hard. I thought I would be all, it's OK honey and run out the door, just like they tell you to. BUT I find myself trying to console, or I'll just nurse him for a few minutes to calm him down, then it makes it worse. UGH. It's hard being needed/wanted so badly.

We're also hoping that being full-time in daycare will help him have some semblance of a schedule. And maybe she can get him to eat some solids now and then. He basically refuses them so we've had to get him an iron supplement. We've been doing this baby-led weaning method of introducing solids. Only thing that remotely works. Monkey must be able to control the food, so we just put it down in front of him and let him do what he wants. Doesn't work with purees though. He hates 'em anyway. But fool that I am I keep buying them, because maybe he'll like this one.