Being grateful/A Christmas Miracle

Ok I wasn't going to write about this because... I'm extremely embarassed and ashamed about it. But I want to share with the world that I'm grateful.

A week ago we went to a friend's house for a holiday party. We left around 9:30 pm to go home. I thought there was going to be some dinner-type food there, but it was chips and cookies- there were some very spicy wings that I tried to eat but could only have a few. I also partook of some wine. I was driving because my hubbie had a couple mixed drinks and was definitely buzzed. I had only had about 1.5 drinks over a 3 hour period... but I hadn't really had dinner. I'm currently nursing so I get super hungry. I also didn't drink enough water.

About 30 seconds from our apartment we got pulled over by a state trooper. More backstory: we have two vehicles that we pay quite a bit on (I have horrible credit), my hubbie has been underemployed (he works seasonally at a restaurant) and we've been waiting forever to get partial unemployment money from the state, basically our debt:income ratio is BAD. Needless to say the truck registration and inspection expired in September and we hadn't yet been able to get it done. Also, I left my wallet at our apartment accidentally. AND the insurance card had expired on the 10th (our insurance is still active, just hadn't printed out the new cards yet). I WAS TERRIFIED. The officer asked my hubbie to get out and talk to him. He asked him if I had been drinking and my hubbie said no (knee-jerk reaction). Basically he told us that he was going to let us go since our apartment was a few feet away, that we shouldn't drive the truck until all was taken care of. But then he asked me to step out of the vehicle. It was surreal. I didn't know what was going to happen. He asked me how much I had drank. I told him. He shown a bright light in my eyes and told me to follow the tip of his finger, back and forth, back and forth. He did it twice. He told me that he was "this close" to arresting me. I almost started to cry but didn't want to seem manipulative. I don't know why I barely passed the test he was giving me- I was soo unbelievably nervous, quite tired, shaking like a leaf, but he said none of those things have an impact on the test. I was seriously scared at this point. He let us go. He asked if my little one is our only child (he was asleep in his carseat, had fallen asleep almost immediately as we headed home). I said yes. He said we needed to make better decisions.

When we got home I cried a lot. I was so ashamed. My husband tried to give me perspective. He said, it could have been SOOO much worse. I could have been arrested. The cop could have given us a huge ticket that we would not be able to pay. Instead we got off with a warning.

Honestly I was not drunk nor did I even feel buzzed, but apparently I was impaired enough that I shouldn't have driven. I didn't think that amount of alcohol would really have an impact. I am 34 years old, I should know better.

As much as it was a horrible experience, it was also an important one. Sometimes we need to be reminded of all we do have, even when things are really really bad financially. Sometimes we need to be reminded to be careful, and not take things for granted.

That Monday we were able to get the car registered and inspected. I printed out new insurance cards. I plan to write a letter to the cop to thank him for giving us the benefit of the doubt. Someone or something out there is looking out for us. I am grateful.

20 Albums that Have Influenced My Life

Meme instructions: Think of the albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life or the way you looked at it. Not your favorite albums now: the ones that sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the albums that no matter what they were thought of musically shaped your world. Albums you wore into the ground.

10,000 Maniacs  Our Time in Eden
Summer after my grueling junior year of college

Alanis Morrisette  Jagged Little Pill
Christmas gift, listened to on my walkman over and over during long holiday car rides

Annie Lennox  Diva
Reminds me of my dad; fantastic album

Bjork  Vespertine
Romantical, deep, intense, *love Bjork*

Coldplay  A Rush of Blood to the Head
Waiting tables at TGI Fridays

Counting Crows  August and Everything After
The Cranberries  Everybody Else is Doing It...
Late high school angst

The Cure  Disintegration
Great album to set the mood, if you know what I mean

Dave Matthews Band  Under the Table and Dreaming
College days....

Death Cab for Cutie  Transatlanticism
Recent discovery (thanks to my awesome cuz AJ)

Enya  Shepherd Moons
Late high school, I have listened to this album thousands of times, when I feel anxious, sad, etc. I find it incredibly soothing.

Indigo Girls  Rites of Passage
Sophomore year of college; I discovered feminism!

Keane  Hopes and Fears
Keane is AMAZING

Liz Phair  Liz Phair
Co-worker burned this for me, love it

NKOTB  Step by Step
This goes out to you Dickey Bean!

Sarah McLachlan  Fumbling Towards Ecstasy & Surfacing
High school unrequited romances & college heartbreaks

Tori Amos  Under the Pink & From the Choirgirl Hotel
Lonely days post-college; Tori totally gets me

U2  Achtung Baby
Favorite album from my favorite band of all time

Comic relief

I just have to laugh at life because sometimes it sucks. We're broke, no matter what we do. So I have to laugh, and can't stop laughing at this:

Ugh. Anyone have any money they can spare? Ha ha ha.

Life Lessons from the Buffyverse

I freely admit (and am quite proud of the fact) that Buffy the Vampire Slayer is my favorite television show, EVER. I think it was way ahead of its time. First show on network television to portray a young lesbian relationship (a healthy one too). Best show EVER in terms of dealing with the trials and tribulations of adolescence and young adulthood. Very realistic. I know you're thinking (if you've never seen Buffy): how can it be realistic, it's about VAMPIRES?? The science fiction/fantasy aspects of Buffy are analogies for real life. The demons and vampires are symbols for the difficult and dangerous problems we face every day.

The biggest lesson I've taken from Buffy is that no matter how bad things get, how much it looks like you won't survive the day, you truly never know what's going to happen next. When you are moments away from "death" (could be psychic death, could be you have no money and can't eat until the next paycheck, etc.), never give up hope. Life will surprise you, and help you in ways you least expect. Everytime "the world is ending" in the Buffyverse, the Scoobie gang comes together and prevents it from happening. That's not to say that everything is all roses and joy every day. Life is hard, but it's soooo worth living. AND our friends and family are what get us through.

Daily Miracles

You know those cliches about how things always work out the way they're supposed to, and everything happens for a reason? Well, they're true. The universe has yet again shown me some tough love, then some spectacular rewards. A close friend had her baby, a healthy baby girl, on Monday night. Hubbie has been *despising* his job for many, many reasons (underpaid, overworked, scapegoated, bad-mouthed, mistreated, taken advantage of). One of his friends came by awhile back and hubbie'd had a particularly bad day at work so he was venting. Friend says, hey, I know you're a great cook, why don't you come do some shifts at the awesome restaurant I work at? So hubbie does just that, and that extra bit of money coming in hasn't hurt either. Then last night, hubbie says to me, we need to talk. I'm like, uh-oh. BUT it's great news- the friend gave his notice at the restaurant (he is the head chef) and the owners love my hubbie so they've offered him the position. Drawback is that it's only seasonal, will end sometime in October. Benefit = TWICE AS MUCH MONEY AS CURRENT JOB for same amount of hours. OMG. After struggling for a year and half (we were both unemployed for a stretch at the end of 2009, which set us WAY back on bills, etc.) we can FINALLY (hopefully) catch up on bills and even (*gasp*) put some money aside! Hubbie can look for work in September and October, find something halfway decent, get unemployment if job ends before he finds something. AND big bonus is our kid won't need to go to daycare anymore. Hubbie will be with him all day until around 2:30 when my MIL will watch him until I get out of work. Hubbie will work 2:30-10ish 6 nights a week and have one full day off, most likely Sundays, which will rock.

Life is CRAZY. I get so down sometimes, worrying, feeling trapped, like things will never get better. And then one day I wake up and they get better. I know that this isn't some miracle cure or fix, but it's definitely a boon, both for us financially and for my hubbie's self esteem. The owners of this restaurant think he's pretty much the greatest thing since sliced bread, and it's true, and he really needs to hear it.

We have 2 weddings to go to in August which I'm very excited about. My favorite aunt (who is also my godmother) will finally be meeting my son in a week or so. Things are going great. Now to just get rid of that other feeling that's always there, the "it won't last, don't get too happy!" GAD I hate that little voice in my ear.