Saturday, July 30, 2011

Life Lessons from the Buffyverse

I freely admit (and am quite proud of the fact) that Buffy the Vampire Slayer is my favorite television show, EVER. I think it was way ahead of its time. First show on network television to portray a young lesbian relationship (a healthy one too). Best show EVER in terms of dealing with the trials and tribulations of adolescence and young adulthood. Very realistic. I know you're thinking (if you've never seen Buffy): how can it be realistic, it's about VAMPIRES?? The science fiction/fantasy aspects of Buffy are analogies for real life. The demons and vampires are symbols for the difficult and dangerous problems we face every day.

The biggest lesson I've taken from Buffy is that no matter how bad things get, how much it looks like you won't survive the day, you truly never know what's going to happen next. When you are moments away from "death" (could be psychic death, could be you have no money and can't eat until the next paycheck, etc.), never give up hope. Life will surprise you, and help you in ways you least expect. Everytime "the world is ending" in the Buffyverse, the Scoobie gang comes together and prevents it from happening. That's not to say that everything is all roses and joy every day. Life is hard, but it's soooo worth living. AND our friends and family are what get us through.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Baby Astrology

Ok I've been tossing around several ideas lately.

1. I want to become a doula. After I had my son I thought I'd never want to be a midwife or an OB/GYN or anything like that because it would be so stressful and scary. BUT now I find myself really drawn to pregnant women and babies, and I want to help. I want to use my experiences to help other people.

2. I want to create a website/blog/book about baby astrology. I really think that it would help people parent more effectively if they understood the basic temperaments of their children. When I read other blogs by mothers/fathers I like to look for trends in sleep habits, etc. based on birth sign! If anyone is reading this blog... please comment and let me know what you think about this.

3. I want to write about my experiences with Pemphigoid Gestationis during my pregnancy in the hopes of helping other women who develop it. PG is a god-awful auto-immune disorder that causes EXTREMELY itchy lesions (sometimes blisters), which can lead to low birth weight for age, preterm labor, and very rarely fetal death. From : "The cause of PG is not known, although many researchers believe that the antibodies that protect the placenta become confused and begin to increase in number. These antibodies are directed at the skin and attack the protein that binds the outer layer of skin to the body. This action causes the skin to lift up, creating blisters." I thankfully was able to treat my PG with prednisone for the last few months of my pregnancy which resolved it, and it hasn't come back (thank goodness). But it was AWFUL. I know it sounds not so bad when someone says something itches but it was like a nightmare. That on top of my herniated disc... but that's a whole 'nother post for 'nother day.

Daily Miracles

You know those cliches about how things always work out the way they're supposed to, and everything happens for a reason? Well, they're true. The universe has yet again shown me some tough love, then some spectacular rewards. A close friend had her baby, a healthy baby girl, on Monday night. Hubbie has been *despising* his job for many, many reasons (underpaid, overworked, scapegoated, bad-mouthed, mistreated, taken advantage of). One of his friends came by awhile back and hubbie'd had a particularly bad day at work so he was venting. Friend says, hey, I know you're a great cook, why don't you come do some shifts at the awesome restaurant I work at? So hubbie does just that, and that extra bit of money coming in hasn't hurt either. Then last night, hubbie says to me, we need to talk. I'm like, uh-oh. BUT it's great news- the friend gave his notice at the restaurant (he is the head chef) and the owners love my hubbie so they've offered him the position. Drawback is that it's only seasonal, will end sometime in October. Benefit = TWICE AS MUCH MONEY AS CURRENT JOB for same amount of hours. OMG. After struggling for a year and half (we were both unemployed for a stretch at the end of 2009, which set us WAY back on bills, etc.) we can FINALLY (hopefully) catch up on bills and even (*gasp*) put some money aside! Hubbie can look for work in September and October, find something halfway decent, get unemployment if job ends before he finds something. AND big bonus is our kid won't need to go to daycare anymore. Hubbie will be with him all day until around 2:30 when my MIL will watch him until I get out of work. Hubbie will work 2:30-10ish 6 nights a week and have one full day off, most likely Sundays, which will rock.

Life is CRAZY. I get so down sometimes, worrying, feeling trapped, like things will never get better. And then one day I wake up and they get better. I know that this isn't some miracle cure or fix, but it's definitely a boon, both for us financially and for my hubbie's self esteem. The owners of this restaurant think he's pretty much the greatest thing since sliced bread, and it's true, and he really needs to hear it.

We have 2 weddings to go to in August which I'm very excited about. My favorite aunt (who is also my godmother) will finally be meeting my son in a week or so. Things are going great. Now to just get rid of that other feeling that's always there, the "it won't last, don't get too happy!" GAD I hate that little voice in my ear.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Better late than never

It's finally time to become a "Mommy Blogger" though I'm not sure yet how I feel about the title. It seems like something cool and trendy, so I want it, yet I don't want it. As a (relatively) new mom of a 9 month old, I've spent a lot of time pouring over other people's (mostly mothers') blogs online. During my pregnancy I was addicted to babycenter, but I don't log in there as much anymore because I don't need the drama! As a FTM I'm always wondering if I'm doing the right things. My husband isn't overly fond of me going online and reading all kinds of advice and other people's experiences, because it generally makes me feel guilty about the way we're doing things. And it only adds to the confusion in my head.

My kid will sleep, but only under certain conditions, and definitely only when he wants to. We've tried to *make* him go to sleep and it infuriates him. Then we have to spend all kinds of time getting him calmed down again. He has only slept more than 5 hours at a stretch a total of 3 times in his entire life. I can remember them so clearly. I woke up still every 1-2 hours expecting him to be awake and he wasn't. I got all engorged and worried and didn't sleep well. Subsequently I haven't slept for more than 3 hours at a time in the last year. When I was pregnant last summer I was up every 2 hours or so to pee.

Needless to say, I think I have adjusted to this sleepless madness- well I can't exactly call it sleepless now can I? I have slept. Just no deep, restful, complete abandon, blissful, delirious sleep. In over a year. That's why I like to read all the posts of people who went through the same thing, came out the other end, and now have a child that sleeps through the night, every night, and they get to also. BUT I wonder if all this time has made it impossible for me to go back to the way I used to sleep... which was 10-12 hours at a time if I could. I loved to sleep. Now I hate to think about it because it makes me sad and desperate.

I'm hoping that this blog will be an outlet for me... to express rage at injustice, awe at the power of goodness, and relentless joy because of the multitude of blessings in my life.